My Journey to Motherhood

My journey to motherhood started out like any other hoping, wishing, dreaming for my sweet bundle of joy to begin our family together. 2 days before our Wedding Anniversary we finally got that positive we waited for, for what seemed like an eternity to get.

My Baby. My now 2 year old. Calvin. He has taught me the meaning of walking around with your heart outside your body. He has shown me the depths of selflessness, pure bliss, amazement, and fear. He has opened my eyes to the wonderment of what it feels like to be chosen as someone’s mommy and to feel as if his soul knew yours long before you did. He gave me this sense of pride and confidence. Pushing every comfort zone I ever let myself fall into out the window. He needed my dedication like nothing else in this world and I didn’t know I had it in me until he was here. Through his tears and mine. Through our smiles, giggles, and for what felt like endless nursing sessions. Navigating intuition and emotions beyond what I thought existed this boy made me who I am today and prepared me for the biggest surprise step in my motherhood adventure.

My Identical Twin Boys. Owen and Oliver. This positive caught us of guard and was an unexpected need in my life as a busy working mom and wife. These 2 have shown me the true grit of motherhood. The helplessness and heartache NICU moms experience. The terrifying reality of creating a life that needs more than what you can provide in those early moments and darkness that can creep in when it seems your motherhood journey is so out of your hands. As I type this staring at my sweet, healthy, now 4 month old butterballs. I have a renewed sense of gratitude for the power of motherhood, this short (seemingly endless) time we have with our babies, and most of all for patience and the capability to multitask! My heart grew 2x over when these 2 arrived and I can’t begin to describe the magic they have already brought to our lives. The bond only they share and the one forming with big brother Calvin I feel privileged enough to get to whiteness. These boys are my world.

I am now a temporary stay at home mom who’s definition of worth as a women is no longer solely in my career or as a wife but in the tiny humans I raise. A definition I’m still navigating. I am a daydreamer, a goal getter, and an inspiration seeker for everything that makes people whole in this world. I can only wish and hope to inspire my children with the fire of whatever their passions become. To fight fiercely with gratitude for wherever their journey takes them and whatever it unfolds to be. My wish remains the same for every woman out there. Do not fear the moments that grow from slowing down and the beauty that is your very own story of motherhood.

1 Comment

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