Dear Postpartum Body,
Im sorry I spent so much time stressing over what you would look like. So much time comparing other stories, other bodies, other recoveries to my own. The truth is even when I felt my strongest that this wouldn’t be me. That I wouldn’t look at other women and wonder what my Postpartum story would be, I did it anyway.
This is my story though, my body, my postpartum period not theirs. Inside I have carried, grown and nursed 1 singleton. A little boy that would forever change my view on love, life, and self. From wondering if I was ever going to carry another heart to bursting at the seems with joy hearing his tiny heart beat. I transitioned from complications with Placenta Previa to getting through early labor complications. But body you knew, you knew I would get through Placenta Previa, you would clear the way for a smooth delivery. And body you just knew that this little boy needed to keep cooking until he was full term. You gave me the gift of my first son on my 25th Birthday. A gift nothing else could quite possibly prepare.
I have carried, grown, and nursed 2 babies. 2 tiny hearts, 20 fingers, 20 toes. Through experiencing real contractions at 16 weeks, the weekly fear of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Never knowing if my babies, fighting each other to survive together off of one placenta, were going to both make it all the way to the very end. Every week an ultrasound, every week wondering if there were going to still be 2 heart beats. But body you knew. You knew these 2 precious identical boys were meant to be mine. You fought to keep them thriving, and growing. You stretched to make room, and re stretched when there wasn’t quite enough. You knew more then anything I wanted them to come naturally. You kept them head down ready to come, you head the Dr. tell you we would be induced and you just knew this was not what was on my heart. Body you knew I was strong enough to make it happen on my own. To feel the joyous feeling of water breaking at 36 weeks and 6 days knowing my babies were coming! Early but safe.
Both pregnancies body you allowed me to feel the depths of pain delivering naturally, something not all women are able to feel. You allowed me to push through mentally going back to work with my first, and through a NICU stay with my identical twins. You produced enough milk to nourish my tiny guys. You grew strong enough to cart two growing babies around with you at the same time. You grew 3 human beings!
SO dear postpartum body. Please excuse me if there has ever been a moment I felt ashamed of you. IF there was ever a moment I wanted to keep you hidden away forever because the truth is with out you, I would not have the most precious gifts this life has to offer. I would not know the true strength I was capable of, or the selflessness I would give. I would never know love from the inside, and I would have never felt the true meaning of fear. I am beyond thankful for you. The outside world can say what they want but only I know the true gift you have been.
A dear friend and with an eye for beautiful photography Lilac and Fern Photography helped me get out of my comfort zone a little over 1 year postpartum and I think I am finally ready and happy to celebrate what she captured. I hope if you are another Momma reading this you too can celebrate your postpartum body in whatever way makes you feel good about you! The absolute true beauty of it, because that is what true #postpartumgoals is all about.